I'm not one for making New Years Resolutions. My ability to control myself in terms of delayed gratification is suspect. Don't get the wrong ideas, I mean stuff like diets, or commitments to exercise, and such. I often cast things to the side and say, "I'll finish it later." This blog is a prime example of that. Well I think I found one that I can really get behind.
I have always had a problem of sorts socially and one could say academically as well. I have always relied and felt that I needed the approval of others. It has allowed me to improve myself in certain aspects but at the same time I find that I may be compromising who I truly am in exchange for being liked. One could argue that in my business, being liked is a primary concern. I sometimes feel that I am being less outspoken than I normally am or I am censoring some of my statements or opinions for fear of what some people might say. So I try to connect through common interests like music, film, theatre, etc. Many have then called me pretentious on these grounds and I can both see their reasons yet I wonder if its actually part of who I am or if it's part of me covering up who I really am. I was talking with two friends on New Years. One of them, it's difficult to say if he is a friend or not. He says he hates me and the same time he likes me but he says he really has no idea who I am and I think what I said above is part of that.
So I've made my resolution: I will be who I really am not matter what other people think of me. You have a problem with my quirks, my wit and witticisms, my outbursts, whatever. My response may differ externally out of courtesy , but my internal response is "Fuck You." Pure and simple. I need to put aside what people think of me and just live my life.
That doesn't mean I am not open to feedback, far from it. If I respect you, I will absolutely take your opinion into consideration. But if I don't care for you, then my response is "Fuck You." That doesn't mean I will dismiss a comment simply because it is negative. I'm just saying I can no longer care what everyone thinks about me. I need to limit the court of public opinion to my friends and colleagues. You have the right to voice your opinion, it doesn't mean you will get final consideration into who I am.
There are parts of me that are static and there are parts of me that are subject to change and probably will be in flux. But I also need to accept the things I cannot change. So I might go ahead and say what those are.
My name is Nathaniel David Netzley. I go by Nate. I am a red head. I am a theatre brat, I was raised in community theatre and still take an active part in it. It is my dream to make a living as a successful actor. I am constantly thinking, my mind races at the very mention of words and will link it to several other ideas and often I will say things relating to those thoughts or even have physical reactions to those thoughts. I have an incredibly good memory and I know a lot of really trivial stuff. If that makes me a hipster, sue me. I am very flamboyant, very eccentric, and I will not suppress that.
I might as well talk about the things I am trying to change or think I can change.
I am socially awkward. This may be due to the fact that I spent most of my free time with 30-60 years old in my childhood and high school years as opposed to people my own age.
That's about it really. So I think I will close this blog with the song I was thinking about when I was writing this blog.
